Another Day, Another Deed....
Well, I did Club 100 today, and I'm at about 2700 (of 5000-6000) words on Greatest of These. It's definitely going to need some cutting done, as so far, it's all been backstory. Yeesh. Some will be moved to another part of the story, some will be incorporated into conversations, some will be deleted entirely. But all of it is coming out of the very beginning of my story!! And I'm thinking of writing a completely different opening sentence. The opening sentence as it stands:
There were old wives' tales that spoke of men who had wandered too far into the forest; there, it was said, they had seen the beguiling dryads, and one glance from soft grey eyes had ensnared them.
The new opening sentence:
Lissa stood in the clearing as the forest burned and felt the hot tears trickle down her cheeks like melting sap beneath a summer sun.
I definitely like the second one the best, but there is one problem: I'm not sure the forest actually burns! In fact, for the storyline as I have it, it would be better if it was cut down. But then you don't get that opening sentence.
So, any thoughts, people? Is my sentence good enough to tweak the entire plotline for? :-D (Any thoughts at all...?)
There were old wives' tales that spoke of men who had wandered too far into the forest; there, it was said, they had seen the beguiling dryads, and one glance from soft grey eyes had ensnared them.
The new opening sentence:
Lissa stood in the clearing as the forest burned and felt the hot tears trickle down her cheeks like melting sap beneath a summer sun.
I definitely like the second one the best, but there is one problem: I'm not sure the forest actually burns! In fact, for the storyline as I have it, it would be better if it was cut down. But then you don't get that opening sentence.
So, any thoughts, people? Is my sentence good enough to tweak the entire plotline for? :-D (Any thoughts at all...?)
posted by Keesa | 7:25 AM
4 Comments:
Hmm ... it IS a very good sentance. :) But if the forest needs to be chopped rather than burned, can't she watch it as it's cut?
(I sent you a letter yesterday, btw! :) )
She could. But then that would take out the melting sap allusion... (Hint: Look at the reference to dryads in the first sentence.)
Oooh, letter!! That makes me feel bad that I haven't finished replying to your last one yet, though. :-( Forgive me?
*laughs* Of course I forgive you! Don't be ridiculous, silly girl. ;) I felt like writing you a letter, so I did. *hugs*
Besides. Regina - Gen's sister - hasn't written me at ALL since they moved back to PA. She is in really big trouble. *grin*
Oooh. Naughty Regina! You must spank her. :nods solemnly: Or I could... :ponders:
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